idk, today i had a personal and open conversation about anxiety. ironically we stumbled on the topic while discussing one of my true loves- travel. talks of plane anxiety sparked a mutual disclosure of our anxieties and all things related. not that this was the first convo of the sort, but it hit me differently this time. we talked about how often anxiety is brushed under a rug. i was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was for me to open up. this hasn’t always been the case. man, did it feel good to be candid (and laugh a little) of anxiety’s doings. lately i’ve been making a conscious effort to SPEAK my truth. raw and all. sounds silly but i can finally see the importance of being honest most importantly with YOURSELF (why am i doing this? is this making me happy?) and with others. i’ve always considered myself pretty blunt and full of TMI but somehow down the line i feel i’ve strayed from being so honest. not sure when exactly this change happened, but i definitely hold my tongue more than i would like. thin line, however, because let’s be real i do enjoy peace, quiet, and not having to small talk at times.
i know for one thing, living in a new environment has changed me. YES, i am fully aware that i talk a ton of smack about new york. it’s got plenty to do and there’s no other place like it, YES. there’s many things i will miss about it when we move, YES. but really, my gripes about the big city are more personal, such as: too many damn people, the rat-race in every shape and form, nature is miles away, and the unforgiving year-round weather sucks (i mean, basically two seasons exist here: sweaty summer and wind-in-your-face winter). but despite the not so enjoyables, truth be told, my greatest transformation is happening here.
so many changes happened in january 2016. namely, moved across the country slash moved out of my SOLO condo into a JOINT apartment with the boyfriend after living alone for 5 years (cue growing pains lol). start of a new career, beginning with studying for uber-stressful board exams. new city, new transportation, new routines, smaller closet space…i mean, huge changes here. but i really think the shift happened before the move, and things are now being brought forth.
the shift being, i’ve seemed to have lost part of what makes me, ME, in the hustle of my life’s changes over the past couple of years. i swear i had my life together before grad school, haha. anywhooo i’m putting this out into the universe. let me attract this energy back into my life. there are a few things i will be getting back into ASAP, like BEING HONEST, writing (hey wordpress), art (gotta put all those childhood Michael’s classes to good use), photography (one of my first loves), spirituality/zen (keeps me grounded), and self-care for good health and happiness.
here’s to taking care of myself in every way with minimal distractions. xo